The Space Pirates [1.4]

By the time the TARDIS materialises on board a small satellite we have already had a vast amount of information about the world. Pirates are stealing valuable cargo and the Interstellar Space Corps is trying to track them down and destroy them. The Doctor, Jamie and Zoe finds themselves caught in the crossfire – mistakenly identified as both officers of the law and breakers thereof.

Separated from the TARDIS, the trio have little choice but to team up with old prospector Mylo Clancey, who – like them – is distrusted by both sides. Unknowingly, he leads them right into the pirates base, who turn out to be led by an old friend of his. Sometimes, the only way to simply escape, it seems, is by taking down the whole pirate network first.

The Majesty

“Space Pirates” takes itself seriously, which is admirable. Despite being a sci-fi show, Dr Who had till this point rarely gone in for spaceships battling above planets. (Arguably there had been a little of this in “The Daleks Master Plan” but it wasn't part of the usual Dr Who rota of colonies, military bases, alien planets or England.) It therefore makes for a refreshing change, even if the story ends up as “Star Wars” poor cousin.

The Misery

If the story was completely available to view, it would still be slow and cumbersome, weighted down under the gravity of it's own exposition, and the complexity of the set up. As it is, with only one episode available, its a true slog to get through this.

Mylo Clancey bursts onto the screen with boundless confidence, and he is easily the most entertaining thing in the story. Even he, however, is ultimately just a stereotype of a Wild West prospector, and he loses his charisma fairly quickly. The others are all very forgettable.

Magical Moments

• “Oh you are an incompetent useless” Whoever takes the credit for writing that line was presumably coming to the end of a very long night, sustained either by alcohol or gin. The actor choosing to perform the line in a faux-German accent did not improve matters.
• “Can you do it?” Jamie asks the Doctor, as he ponders how to repair a destroyed spaceship. “Well,” he says, “I do have a screwdriver!”
• “Oh dear what a silly fellow I am!” It's nice to see the Doctor taking a risk and totally messing thing up.
• Clancey's first appearance, piloting a spaceship with a boiled egg and a 'rubbishy new-fangled solar toaster', is easily the best moment in the story.

In Summary

Maybe, if “The Space Pirates” was still with us, I would give it a favourable review. As it is, however, I can only comment on what is available, and frankly it's pretty rough. Slow, complex unravelling of a multi-layered plot; forgettable characters with various intentions and loyalties and backstories: it's all too much effort to watch in reconstruction.

Overall: 1.4