Planet of Giants [3.6]

The TARDIS malfunctions once again, and the doors open in the middle of the time vortex, causing great panic and consternation. When the travellers materialise, they realise they have been shrunk, to ‘about the size of an inch’. In the middle of an English garden, they have to deal with the struggles of miniature life – menaced by insects, admired by a hungry cat, almost trodden on by a murderer.

Oh yes – because this isn’t just any old run-of-the-mill house. This is one where a fiendish mastermind is plotting to become very rich on the production of an insecticide that kills all living creatures.

The Majesty

First up, and perhaps most obvious – the design is fantastic. Not only do we have incredibly designed prop ants and worms, as well as plug-holes, briefcases and matchboxes, but we even have a moving fly. Now fair enough it flies away off-screen, but even while it is on screen it is wriggling and moving all it’s appendages. Barbara falling into a swoon when she sees it is both unintentionally comedic and a slap in the face to women everywhere, but it’s a magnificent construction!

Secondly and more generally, it’s just a great idea. The travellers have fought aliens and travelled into the past and the future. Now they discover that a back garden in suburban England can be as hazardous and dramatic as any alien planet. Whether they are navigating plumbing systems or being savaged by a (remarkably chilled out) cat, the mundane is seen with new eyes.

The Misery

This plot is so full of holes it could be used for catching fish. Why does the TARDIS malfunction in the first place? Why do the doors opening cause everyone to shrink? Why does the scanner explode after ‘trying to photograph something too big for the screen’? Why are the voices of the humans slowed down but everything else is normal speed? Why does Barbara not tell the others that she has contracted the illness? How can a man get shot in somebody’s back garden in 60s England without the neighbours asking questions? How is the chief scientist unaware of the lethality of his formula? Why does Barbara regrowing to her full size make her better again? Why does the seed the Doctor picked up not grow full size at the same time as everything else in the TARDIS? How can the Doctor so quickly reverse the shrinking when he doesn’t know what he is doing? More could be added.

In addition, certain things are just a bit lame. The cliffhanger ending is that a cat is looking at them. Episode two begins with said cat nonchalantly walking off. The whole thing is irrelevant when ideally we should expect a major plot development. The non-regulars – the big people – are all very flat. They reel off vast amounts of exposition to each other. (“You don’t have to keep on explaining to me” says one of them eventually. I agree!) Their plan is pretty unexciting: market an insecticide that kills too indiscriminately to receive government approval. Their downfall is equally dull: a policeman just happens to show up.

Magical Moments

• The Doctor, when asked how he knows an insect is dead, gets rather poetic: “Death has it’s own particular posture and appearance.”
• After the government inspector is shot, Ian walks past a vast blown-up still image of his dead face. It’s a striking shot, even though the effect is not particularly convincing.
• The Doctor climbs up the inside of a drainpipe that goes on for ever and ever. He’s a tough old fellow!
• It’s a powerful moment when Barbara touches the poisoned seeds and then realises what she has done. Her panicked attempts to rub the insecticide off her hands are pretty realistic, as is her initial denial that anything is wrong. However it does get a bit bizarre, as time goes on, that she doesn’t reveal the problem.
• The Doctor is asked if he can get them all back to normal. In a massive close up, he says “Of course I can! Of course I can – I hope...” Lovely!
• The Doctor becomes a arsonist for no particular reason. “Let’s cause some trouble! Start a fire!” His pyromaniac side is really coming out as he rubs his hands together watching the flame. “Not long now! Hee hee hee!”
• Ian and Susan lighting a match by carrying it like a lance and jousting a matchbox.

In Summary

I surprised myself by how much I enjoyed this story. Yes, you have to leave your brain at the door, but each scene, in its own right, is usually pretty entertaining, and the characters are generally likeable. I’m delighted it’s only three episodes – it would have deteriorated very quickly if it had been any longer. Perhaps it’s the classic version of ‘style without substance’, but it certainly has style!

Overall: 3.6