The Ark [2.9]

The Doctor, Steven and irritating new girl Dodo arrive onboard a spaceship, millions of years in the future, carrying the last humans away from the dying Earth to their new home among the stars. Along with them are the Monoids – an alien race who have clearly never discovered the concept of a hairdresser, and whom the earthlings treat as second class citizens.

After some misadventures – in which Dodo sneezes over everybody, people die and the Doctor saves the day – the crew return to the TARDIS. Their next landing, however, brings them back to the same spaceship, 700 years later. But now the Monoids have taken over, and they have a cunning plan.

The Majesty

There’s a surprising amount to like about this story. The idea of returning to the same place in two different time periods is great. It’s not quite as good as the 9^th Doctor’s realisation that his interference in “The Long Game” created the environment for “Bad Wolf” but it is a solid idea nonetheless.

In particular the way that things have changed in the intervening period – the rise of the Monoids and the fall of the earthlings – is very well handled, and the reveal of the Monoid statue at the end of episode two is a very intriguing cliffhanger.

There are other great ideas too. We have all the animals rescued from Earth and coming along for the ride, allowing for a really nice scene with a genuine elephant. The notion of the common cold being deadly to advanced humanity is also very original. And the human race are mostly miniaturised: travelling through the galaxy in a petri dish. It’s all very imaginative.

Finally, and I know it may put me out on a limb here, I really like the costume design. It’s bizarre, but very iconic. Dodo dresses up as a medieval squire, for no particular reason, which involves her wearing a pair of tights with only one leg. She flashes a fair amount of thigh, which only puts her in the same category as everyone else, who wear bathing costumes covered in ribbons. Meanwhile, the Monoids hairy heads and the giant moving eyeball in their mouths are very memorable, though they are admittedly a bit of a shambles below the neck.

The Misery

Perhaps the format – essentially two separate two episode stories – means that we fail to get decent adventures in either half of this story. The range of characters are limited, and each one is little more than a cliché. I struggle to remember any of them individually. I certainly don’t remember any of their names.

Oh yes, and Dodo is a pain. At least the Doctor agrees with me. Only a few minutes into the first episode, he refers to her as “Most irritating!”

Magical Moments

• The Doctor’s horror at the thought that he might have been unwittingly spreading killer diseases around the galaxy is brilliant. “It doesn’t bear thinking about!” We suddenly remember all the alien planets the crew have visited and the civilisations they have encountered since “An Unearthly Child”. Did everyone die horribly shortly after the TARDIS left? No wonder the Doctor tries to tell himself that they’ve all been generally healthy up till now. Living in denial is always the best way.
• “Take them away to the security kitchen.” It’s one of these lines where you ask yourself if you heard it correctly. The security... kitchen? Because it’s easier than looking after them in a cell? Because it’s better to give them access to knives and boiling liquids? Because... the budget doesn’t stretch to another four walls?
• A Monoid cackles to Dodo: “It may not take as long as you think. Ha ha ha!”. No doubt he imagines this to be some sort of Shakespearian ‘aside’, dripping with unheard irony. He is sadly mistaken. “You’re up to something, aren’t you?” challenges Dodo. “Er... um...” he replies, “um... er.... no?” What a comeback!
• Monoid #2 radios back to base. Instead of saying immediately: “Danger! Aliens!”, he goes on a long ramble about how he landed and opened the door and stepped outside and you won’t believe what I saw... wait till I tell you this... you’ll be amazed, I promise you... Next thing he is blown up, and the base just assume his battery has died and all is fine and dandy.
• The Monoids have planted a fission bomb in the head of a 100m tall statue without anybody noticing. That’s genius.
• The statue is thrown out of the spaceship. It drifts a few metres away, the head explodes with the force of a neutron star, and nothing on the ship is remotely damaged.

In Summary

The Ark is brilliant at world-building, but the plot is pretty standard and the characterisation is dreadful. There’s a nice moral message about the need to live together despite racial differences. It’s got a lot of great ideas, but it’s never going to be a classic.

Overall: 2.9